Hi! My name is Rachel. This is a meandering story of my life with type II bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, attachment trauma, surviving sexual violence at the hands of a number of men as well as an intimate partner, and the difficulties associated with identifying as an asexual lesbian romantic (that is, I fall in love with women and want to – eventually – spend my life with one, but I don’t want to have sex with her).
Much of what I write about in this blog is known only to my best friend and my team of psychiatrists, general practitioner, dbt therapist and psycho-sexual therapist. But something makes me want to share my story more broadly so I am keen to write about it for you to read too. I don’t want my family and more distant friends, exes, work colleagues etc to be able to identify me so excuse me for posting a pic of my gorgeous cat instead of myself. He’s a big part of my therapy and right now is asleep on my lap as I write 😌. It’s magic.
Rather than give you a detailed account of everything that’s ever happened to me in a linear way, I’m going to write in themes related to my illness and my life experiences, sometimes briefly and sometimes in detail. As I write about contemporary experiences I will be able to provide more specific details of my thinking and behaviours and of what my team has done in response. Sometimes I’ll state the impact of their response on me, and sometimes I won’t remember so will leave it out. I’d prefer to be accurate and have holes in my account than give a full-but-incorrect account. I’m sure you’ll understand.